Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
