I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize