I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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