It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
