I just threw up on my dentist
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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