It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
