oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
