Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
