Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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