i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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