My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
