How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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