The maid of honor just puked.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
