haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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