she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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