Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
