I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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