I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
