I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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