I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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