i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
