I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize