i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
