turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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