So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize