We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
