I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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