my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
