You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
