No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
