jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
