I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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