And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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