Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
