yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
