oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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