I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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