its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Two words: blizzard sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
