I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
