My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
