I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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