summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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