the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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