let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I just sharted jello shots
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