why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
