thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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