Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
