so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
