How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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