Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
