what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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