just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
