Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
