yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
