You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
