i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
