I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize