I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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