wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
